Insanity

Monday, 28 Sep, 2009

4:15 am

I feel so much alone

I want to cry

I feel naked; feel as if monsters kidnapped mostly of my organs,

I barely breathe, barely feel warmness!

I ‘m telling so after I had switched off the light of my room, went to bed at 4:15 am then went back again to switch it on after I had felt that everything around me even time is going to suffocate me slowly!

Enough to shut the lights to see ghosts attacks me,

All wants a piece of my brain, And believe What! I’m an easy catch ..

I felt a funeral in my brain,
        And mourners, to and fro,
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
        That sense was breaking through.

What “Emily Dickinson” said in this poem, I had it all yesterday, that’s exactly what I felt.

And a strange dialog started to form itself as if I were with a shrink!

Started of me saying …

I’m not happy!

 Shrink- What makes us happy?

Me- Satisfying, But I’m satisfied of what I have, So why then I’m not happy! Why my brain can’t stop thinking? When will it shut?

Shrink- Why do you want it to be shut?

Me- For I can sleep, It’s our nature, we sleep to have rest.

Shrink- Yes, correct but we ..

Not you,

You only want the time to pass to start a new dawn, new day, and new sunshine to continue digging in new faces, and following some new traces, for you think you may find the person you’re looking for. To stop the curse of being alone at night.

You’re scratching every portion in your brain, squeezing it to find a comfortable chamber to stay in for trying to find a moment of quiet and sound but you couldn’t…

You hate nights.

Me- Well… I do hate Nights, yes, And A lot of people do so

Shrink- Yes, True.

We all sometimes hate nights

We;

BOTH

Single and Married

 

{Moment of Silent}

 

Shrink- What do you want?

To get married?

Me- Yes

Shrink- Why?

Me- Stability.

Shrink- Stability, hmm…

Marry to someone, kiss on the cheek in the morning, making love at night, having children later, that’s stability!

Me- Yes, that’s stability

Shrink- So what !

You think after Marriage, you will not spend nights drowning in your lonesome!

Me- I don’t know and I don’t want to know.

Shrink- Again you want to pass the time to keep dreaming of a moment you may find it as an adventure to you,

A box you will open and happiness you will find!

Me- Yes, hell yes, what’s wrong with having hope for a better life?

Hope is healthy, makes us continue living and pass the hard times!! What’s wrong with that?

Shrink- See!! You’re now predicting something; this something is delightful and shiny,

You bid your brain to cook an illusion and you name your new plate A hope

And perhaps the taste is good, perhaps it’s not.

You don’t give a damn, you eat, chews, and swallow and you grew old day by day, every time you want a new plate, wants more and more to nourish your self with selfishness,

Stop using the same Equation,

Stop calculating every thing happens in your life!

And don’t you dare to equate the billions thoughts that branched out intensely from your insane head with the wisdom about looking for your treasure,

Because the more you look for it, the more you get lost,

And you would be slowly driven to insanity and twisted mind

And if I came as a wiser once,

I will come as a manipulator later.