Confusing Thoughts

March 20, 2008


It is a dream

I can’t figure it out

What was he talking about

He called me  … We did talk

What happened ? I thought we broke

I’m so confused, My thoughts in a mess

Is it mysteries bless ?

Ooh GoD He was someone else

Someone i did not use to him

Someone gave me his tender , his care

He treated me nice

He touched my heart and broke the ice

But , I’m between two

My restless mind and my weakness heart

And two souls fall apart

What should i do ?

Should i forget his torture to me ?

Should i wait him to leave me ?

He left me once in the past

It was so painful , so fast

Now he wanna move the dust ! 

That easy and heal the rust !

Wake my spirit up !

Then inspiring me to build my sand castles in a far away land and dreaming up !

Drawing his face, kissing his lips, melting in his hug

Being with him inside him !

But who will be with me when he say goodbye ?

When he says sorry , i didn’t love you , you didn’t be nearby

Then leaving me on the cliff

And i choose the bottom to put myself in

As i always, see the bottom haul me down and down

You will leave me drifting and drown

Ooh My love , My One , My All

Just tell me why i could not complain ?

How you makes me forget all this pain ?

Although the tears i cried and the deaths i died

How could you still shine and bright like a diamond light ?

How could you spread the worm like a wooden firelight ?

How could you do this to me ?

I know the answer

I know it well

It is because ..

I loved you from the first sight

But one side love is not enough

It is hard, painful, It is unchangeable

It doesn’t meant to last .



March 18, 2008

You are my life

You are my home

Without you , I doesn’t exist .. I become unknown

Why did you leave me ?  I’m dying here alone

I’ve wasted all the time crying till my eyes was drying


My heart replaced with a stone

They always say …

Love makes you a prisoner as will makes you free

Makes you scares … Makes you hide

Makes you live as a bird on a tree

Facts , truth , wisdome an fate .. all leads to one thing that as

The sea without salt water can’t be a sea

The bee without flowers can’t be a bee

And (She) it created to be with (He)

As me and only me have to continue living without just a human being

Continue living without any feelings and I must be agreeing

I put myself in the smallest box in this world which no chances to live

And I Got Rid Of The Key

Pathitic Flower

March 15, 2008


Let it grow

That flower and let it know

There is a sun will shine for it

As well the rain and the snow

Quietly, open that book

Turn the pages and have a look

Carefully please,

Do you recognize that flower ?

It was torn , cutten and disappeared for decades away from light

That flower have a Soul instead its smell

It kept wondaring every single night

Night after night beside the river

Lost and tired , pissed and bothered

Unseen … Unknown … Unloved

Unaccepted to be useless to be numb

Would you feel it that pathitic flower ?

Would you help it find its peace or just let it release

Desperately i know

That every life has its end

And every second has its loss

But don’t let it know,

let it have something to hope for

And a reason to beileve

May be it will find its relief

Or continue its grief .

Day in Heaven

March 14, 2008

It was an amazing night

I got lost , He offered a ride

I couldn’t say no

He captivated me so

Finally i sat beside his charming insanely handsome

His goodness floated around me

The silence was in everywhere

Everywhere, but not inside me

U can say , It was just me and him on one straight  quiet dark road

 He was fascinating with his dark suit as well his perfect tie

I couldn’t do anything but sat gazing out of the window and breath a sigh

when he talked , i was stealing those moments to look at him

Trying to prevent my lips from moving , opening and screaming by 3 words

“I”   “Love”  “You”

I spent 3 miserable years loving you

Now heaven gave me 30 minutes to enjoy setting with you

30 minutes to memorize everything in you cause may be and may be not i will not see u again

Ooh poor me ! cause if i lost you, i lost everything have an aim

What a sarcastic life i live ?!

what a hopless love i give ?!

I love him but i need his love in return

While i was thinking in this dramatic love

A shiver ran down my spine

A painful prick kept stinging on my skin

I was shaking from that coming moment

The awfully goodbye moment

But suddenly , i felt his hands moving to reach to my hand

He held it on a magic way he kissed it and put it on his cheek beside his warm lips

Ooh .. for a second i felt relief

All my fears erased away

He turned me from some corpse can’t feel anything to a bride in her happiest day

I closed my eyes and wished for this scene to just never ever go away

But life can’t be life without PAIN

I ‘m setting here now after all this alone

Trying to write anything about that day

About the most time ever i felt happy

not just pursue for it … NO

I finallly found it in that day with him

For the first time in my life i find what am looking for    “HAPPINESS”

But as we all know, it was for just moments

Sweet moments to leave sweet memories

Makes you smile sometimes ..

Makes you SAD in Another .