I was trying to sleep but i guess .. No use

I just rollin’ from side to side on my bed and my thoughts are rollin’ with me,

I was thinking of the two Articles that I wrote it this month;

One of them was about Being wait for what we wish to have and what we pursue to be, and the other for Being free from the prison we locked ourselves in … About Breaking the walls !!!

huh .. Breaking the walls !

Please for God sake give me a hammer immediately to start reconstruction my life cause everything is a fucked up now

I have been living in a mess since he said ” I tried to love you but sorry, I couldn’t ”

Well.. I’m not gonna bore you , i will not tell the story of my life

But the time had been passed and the whole crisis seemed to be usual to me because we turned it to a friend ship for some conscientious reasons and for something inside me which i did agree based on a foolish feeling I have it till now which is ” Mr. Fuckin’ Hope ”

It is just you never think the last time is the last time , you think there will be more

You always say no … No .. It will not end , He will comeback , Just he need time and I will  wait, I will give him the space he Needs

then you realize that you will spend your whole life waiting !

Yea, till your hair become gray and you start complaining from a brittle bones !!

hmm disappointing and so ironic .. I know

And of course in the friend ship’s world you are allowed to say things as ” Really I like you baby ”  which nothing .. Nothing in this world makes me so close to madness than this fragment

I wish i can destroy this word from the dictionary from the whole Languages .

Here again I was having the hope for he could replace it with another word

FOOL, completely I was a fool

In fact , still a fool

I know this is all wrong but there is a true part in this issue “In this wrong thing ”  that i never felt this hasty incredible unbelievable overwhelming beating in my heart before .. till i met him

huh i’m just a dork cause i’m alone

Still living alone,  Isolated from the mutual love feelings and i accepted that and you are gonna call me now.. she is an idiot

But call me any names that’s what i feel, that’s my heart and that’s him who living in a world where everything is okay .. everything is fine

It is no problems at all , No love feelings , No heart emotions and of course no crazy things and for sure no surprises

Yup, He is so quiet .. Quiet to no limits

 

Well .. I’m in an illusion just if i got what is happening, Just if i got what is there beyond his reactions if he gave me a reaction in fact

Cause he sounds crush with the open endings when the curtain been down and you are sitting their not understanding a word from the whole play and that actually me who sat there understanding Non a word

Non an action

Non a touch

Non a call

Non a simple conversation

Non a thing ..

Really I’m sorry, I can’t get you .. I can’t seem to understand you at All .

 

Why ” Living alone ” ?

Why do people do this to themselves ?

They must be afraid of something

Afraid of what ?!

Well, Mostly afraid of love, afraid of feeling pain

The sort of pain which is from our false beliefs

The false ground of suffering that our minds created it which it blocks the experience of our true pain

The other sort of pain which is really not painful at all , just Time and Moving on could take care of healing and recovering

So people who doesn’t know the different between the true one and the fake one, who create Walls of protection around their hearts

Prevent them from falling in love, from being in pain

But those Walls at times cause pain than they prevent

So, Why do we prevent our hearts from breathing freely at times they wants wings to fly ?

Why do we put chains to hide behind them and numb our bodies at times they are aching ?

Saying at least when we are alone there is no one to bring pain,

Do you think you will not feel it ?

Pain is in Everywhere

It is real

Pain does exist if you accept that or not

There is always something hurts and Aches

But the real pain can be Overcome

It is only the imaginary ones that are Unconquerable

So you can’t avoid pain by choosing not to be in love

Where is the question that tells us ” The Glass is half filled or half empty ” and the thought that leads to ” It is just the way we look at ”   ??!!

If you had chosen to look at the half empty, your wishes wouldn’t ever been realities

You will find your days go by and you will stay the same .. living in the past with your sorrow, with your pitiful memories and that ain’t a life 

Ignore hearing the regular sound of something dying deep inside you

It is so simple if you just decide to change your point of view

Who need that to be happen ?

Where is the half filled ?

Why didn’t we look at ?

Obviously we just die once in a life, Why did you choose to die everyday ?

Well, I just wanted to say

I do agree that love is all about ups and down, It keeps us searching, always looking for the missing piece

Sometimes you find it, Sometimes you don’t

Sometimes you feel like you’r in Heaven

Sometimes you live with broken bones from chosen to drop off the cliff

So love is just Alert and Peaceful at the same time

Just Everyday we should walk

Where ever it leads, Where ever it goes

Live your life, Feel the Love with all its sour .. with all its joy

Cause Life is Fleeting and Time is a precious Gift .

Me, Him & My Soul

May 20, 2008

I close my eyes and let my soul reach out to yours

May be she can reach out to your lap and rest between your arms for a while,

May be she can feel how the hug would be from you,

How would be the feeling when only inchs separate your lips from mine,

Feel his hug my soul please ,

Feel it cause i can’t feel it

I can’t be there , You can ..

Live those moments then come back to me ,

Tell me what happened ? what did you feel ?

Did you feel warm enough to give me some ?

How was his touch ? so slow .. i know ,

But so fast to get in there to the deepest part in your heart .

Did he come so close to your ears whispering words ..love words ?!

Did he come so closer and left a sigh on your neck while he was smelling it ?!

Did you tremble ?   Tell me my soul everything , I want to know cause i would tremble if he just look at me ,

Tell me about his fingers ,

Were they wondar on you as they were discovering a places they never went

His fingers So soft i know , i can imagine

Did he wipe your hair away from your face from your eyes and look so passionately at them exactly as he see a wonder land or more than wonder land as he see heaven in there .

Did you feel that ? Tell me did you feel that cause i can’t be there but you can

I can’t help but release you from my body to go there but you have to comeback to me

Cause if you don’t

It will be my Ultimate chance

It will be my Eternity .

Words are raining over Me

They are asking me for not sleep and wants to become your companion on your Long Road

We are miles apart but I still feels your Presence

I see you , I hear you talking

I wish I can vanish the distance, the miles, the whole roads and make the world as a one place, one city to make  no one aches from nearness

As I feel my soul is heavy and tired Now

She is unsatiesfied

She wants to be free

Free from this huge frame she is in ,

She wants No legs No arms ,

Just wings to fly and come to your shoulder to be to her the shelter

To make her life worth Living

To make it have Meaning ,

Cause you are her Reason for Being

Your companion is all she is dreaming .

My Precious

May 17, 2008

Comeback my precious Comeback

I’m nothing without you

 Without you everything painted black

I admit .. I confess

I can not live  .. i can not take a breath

I’m so lost .. I surrender

I raised my white flag

The day you left me , The day that i wanted you back

My life was like a golden Bowl Now the golden Bowl have a crack

My heart is broken

My painful memories can full a huge Bag

It always chasing me at every Night

Sometimes i find some of it delight

Untill i remember this word “Goodbye”

I feel my life passing me by .. and all my dreams built on a lie

Why milions of why .. I forget this fact that he never loved me, he never even act

May be i want him to be a hypocrite

To satisfy my ears to decive my heart

And when i comes to end

I will find myself aching from

UNconditional Love and UNending Hurt .

The Fact of Love

May 17, 2008

It’s No chances to try

Or excuses to clairfy

It’s something you can’t buy and a fact you can’t deny

It ‘s not about saying hellow or saying Hi ,

It is a bout How you never say bye

You learn how to dream .. how to fly

How you reach by your dreams to the sky

Your thinking makes you sigh

and takes you to the mountain high

So peacful as a baby lulaby

So beautiful as a coulord butterfly

Yes it’s a word have millions of feelings

It is LOVE

It’s the truth without one lie

It’s a little happiness disapeared in a lot of cry

It’s how you spend your nights between nothing and a pillow you never find it dry

And at the End , You wish that all of this never happen

And pray to your memories for just Die .

Brave .. I should be

May 17, 2008

I Should  be Brave

To hide you inside me , inside my Cave ,

Then i have to pretend that i forgot you , over you or may be hate you and keep my love to you as a secret goin with me to my Grave

And If i saw your eyes oneday , if I felt happiness in that day

I’ll bid myself that i saw nothing , felt nothing and act somebad behave

Then I will turn my face and kill the desire that i crave ,

Regret at love that i gave ,

Burn with memories that i save ,

Sail on sea of pain waiting to die By A Smash Wave .

Love & Pain

May 17, 2008

You never been mine

So i never crossed  the line

You always take your eyes off me

You never left your heart to love me

Have you ever saw my pain?  

Did i ever complain ?

Who’s right ?

Who’s wrong ?

For when I’ll be strong ?

Do you understand what had gone from your hands

Some one needed love and passion NoT Compassion

But some How … some Why

I will still a live untill the day

The day that i can hold you Tight

In your arms I’ll sleep at Night

In this world or in another world … I don’t care

Untill this day , I’ll pray

To God for forgive me and for this chance to give me . 

Let me be your Sun when it goes to the other side,

Your Moon and the Stars in a dark gloomy Night

Let me be your shelter when the sky rains, When you can’t find a place to hide

Let me be your sailboat, I’ll take you to the shore .

Let my hug surround you when you feels cold when you needs secure

Let me be your Spring IF Autumn came

Your flower , your Perfume

Smell me ,

Let me in ,

Into your heart let me sleep in

Let my soul intertwine with urs

Let us be One

I’ll keep your secrets , You will keep mine

I’ll steal your pain , shed no tears , I’ll make you smile

I’ll be your song,

Your favorite song

A beautiful painting,

Your Masterpiece .

I’ll be the Art and You the Artist

I’ll be your guide , Your Night Book

Your words when it gone .

Let me be your Serenity .. your Silence

Your quiet Night,

Your Yellow Light

Be My Angel and I’ll Be your Whole World .

Love Me oR Leave Me

May 14, 2008

 

Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose

I locked my heart and fired my blues

No regrets no damn chance to lose

Not again , I Refuse

Sorry …

From ages i sailed into your island holding a rose

Now the rose died and my feelings froze

I’m cold like ice

Don’t even think to be close

Don’t , Don’t say hey.. i missed you , letting me go through a magic muse then say “Pardon me” i need a pause

And vanish like the scattered ashes without any purpose without any cause

leaving me , writing a lament

With tears in my eyes

With a broken willing

With a massive anger buried in me

With a spoken pain out of me

With repeating words about what you did about who you was

About the past about the self-abuse

Stop please , Stop possessing me

Stop making me believe that i see an oasis in that desert we live in

My strenght is gone

My dreams are falling down

Now Do my words hurt you ?

Cause it burns right here , it burns deep down

One more thing

I think

It is better to leave me at all

Without a word without a call

U couldn’t love me

So …

Leave me

Leave me

Leave me Alone .