Atonement

December 4, 2008

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I am wearing black on my white skin,

I opened my eyes to see everything dim

I pointed my fingers to see,

Any mirrors in front of me

Any mirrors for finding the real picture of the real me

Asking myself ..

 

Why I dressed black ?!

Why I’m blind ?!

What sins I did,

To be punished like this and cursed ?!

 

My arms , my hands are lying idle

My breaths are barely escaping my heavily weighted chest

Lacking In sense I am

For I’m millions of dreams had failed,

Millions of tears had burst

 

Ohh My Namless fears .. My countless tears

I shed Countless bitter tears that leave burn holes in the ground

And prevented me every night from sleeping safe and sound

 

Why do I feel as I’m the devil ?

Why I treated as I’m the only sinner ?

A flower was never meant to survive

 

I lost my petals

I lost my love, My only one

And my father is not here Anymore

He is staying away from me

There ,

In the Cemetery

 

And I’m standing here all alone on a garden clouded by shadows

Gazing in my hourglass whose sand ran,

And my life suddenly came to a halt.

Listening to unrehearsed song,

From some sad tired gulls.

And tasting the last bitterness of life

For I took all the pain before

And I was ready to take more,

But I run out of time.

 

I wish that flame whose burnt my heart from the start
had burnt me to Ashes

But I stayed to let the fire consuming me slowly,

Then renewing me again by the sweetest lies,

By the sweetest illusions

To atone for my sins.

 

Now I finally found that I can neither feel pleasure nor pain

For I became a grave having No visitors

So, Life for me now is a fake addiction I must quit

So I quit

 

My creator .. My Merciful .. My Allah

Take this failing heart

Take this broken soul

But not before

Atonement.

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4 Responses to “Atonement”

  1. teared apart Says:

    Absolutly brilliant…Well said and i could see where you standing,i’m totally into it.

  2. Salma Mourad Says:

    great,, honey
    keep it up

  3. imn2life Says:

    a flower’s beauty never dies…

  4. turgayevren Says:

    Dear Sawsan, why is your poem so dark and gloomy? Poetry is a reflection of soul as literature is the mirror of society. Yes, I know; though poetry is a protected shelter from our sorrows and fears, its pillars are also based on the sadness and lamentations of our life.

    I wish I could have a chance to delve into the source of inspiration that has triggered these sound and flowery poems out of your heart.

    May Allah keep your heart in sound bliss and happiness.

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