My Life came to A Halt

June 27, 2009



It’s been a while since I last wrote

I was distracted by stupidity, an immense amount of stupidity but I’m fine now, I struggled as much as I could,

I think I’m back to my quiet lonely life now
I’m back to my usual routine – {Back to Monotony}

Thank God that Everything run its course ..

Just Now I can write with a clear mind, About the past few days ..

I was fighting to survive among A chain of Galaxies that kept spinning around me, Narrowing the circle till I was this close from Madness and Losing Control !!

But by the End; I scored A high level on Resistance and A very Low level on curbing my nerves from Exploding

So Here’s the Question ..
Could any body tell me please What on Earth makes a family push so hard on an orphan girl whose father had passed away to accept an old traditional proposal from someone who hardly had an interested subject to talk about ?!!

Well.. This poor orphan is Me and this family is Mine

Shame on them All

I said No, then A hail of bullets started to hit me as if I was a criminal or something;

And every bullet was headed to destroy a special thing in me

Bullet to My Ambitious, Bullet to My Talent, Bullet to My Feelings, My own Dreams ..
A strong Bazooka to my heart where I have the most great ideas for Love, different loveliest ones ..


That was my Action,

A very hard long tough “No”,
I screamed as if I was a fat actress singing in the Opera or so;

But the Audience here were the Neighbors .. lol

And all that serial Fighting Remains nothing but Confusion; cause hey ! I don’t give up easily, I’m unruly girl .

So please Disturb Not my Dreams
Disturb Not my Green Flourishing Slopes in my head

But I wonder Why all this ?!

All of this because he is Rich ! and have a political position !! Okay shit;
I don’t care ..

I don’t care for such things, I just need someone who can feel the Romanticism, “A Love Seller”

Yes A Love Seller Who give love without getting paid, someone has different way , different ideas as mine, someone I crush with him at the first sight, Not a Motionless one !!

I may not find him, May be he does not exist,

I may actually end up old toothless women with grey hair and wrinkled skin before I saw him, but it is okay with me

I can wait; I can wait in the hope that I see him one day because it feels so damn Right when you are 100 % sure with this someone who will share you his life and his everything

I know that years must go by in sad uncertainty, First

God knows for How Long !

And How Strangely is this ?! But we can’t accept the wrong lest we become lonely .. Am I Right ?

Well, I want to say that I just needed some Supporting, Encouragement instead of fighting this trivial Battles;
Someone tells me that I did the right choice; and following my heart’s voice is a good thing.

I don’t give a damn if he was Mr. Right { In their Standards ) or
Mr. Wrong or Mr. James Bond even !

Hellooo, This is a whole life, A high price one way ticket ..

Oh God .. They were talking about My Happiness !! ,

My Happiness !!!!

I can’t say YES to everyone at everything as Jim Carrey in “ Yes Men Movie “ , I can’t please everyone ..

And as my friend said to me once “ Trying to please everyone is a well proven formula for Failure and Misery “

So I must feel that he deserve this high price,

I must take into consideration the fact that this ticket with No Return !!

I must be happy when I’m with him, I want to be happy in my married life ..

Hmm, I’m not just scrawling some words all over the paper here, I told you all a true story about fighting to survive and surviving to move on and wait, and waiting for one Reward

Please if anyone already having his Reward please appreciates what you have, Think first before losing it or blowing the things up

It is a Precious precious Gift, A heavenly boon ..

And for whom waiting, I’m still waiting with you people

I have nothing further to do !!


8 Responses to “My Life came to A Halt”

  1. notesalongthepath Says:

    Hello, beautiful young woman, As your friend said, you must follow your own heart, your own star. And be grateful you can, because there are still many places in the world where women cannot marry for love, or seek their dreams–that which brings joy. I came from a very emotional family, too and eventually I weaned myself off the upset. I learned to stand back and watch all the action as if I was watching a movie–very, very interesting perspective. After a while, you can take all the energy that was spent on emotional tug-of-wars and put it to work for something worthwhile. I still see my family, and I love them very much, I’m just mentally, emotionally, stepped back a bit. Try it and see what happens.
    Take care.

  2. Eman Eltawansy Says:

    wow,, strong words..obviously you hit your maximal threshold ,,your upper limits ,,,,and you said NOOOOO..
    well i hope you took the right decision,,
    this is something that you and only you know,,not me, not your family..As long as you are satisfied ,,stick to your NOOOOOOOOOOOO

  3. tamer Says:

    finally , your choice was right in my opinion , you know , i hate the traditional idea about marriage which make it as a routine thing that we should do under certain conditions.
    i think to live alone is much better than living with someone you dont love , i know someone will say hey ,it differs nowadays , we are living in a hard matrialistic age , we are not in a romantic movie in which latika can leave all things behind to meet her love.
    on the other hand , i think those people have no idea about what love means for our life.
    finally , i hope you find that one you wait and to have a beautiful , calm life , full of love and romance , to prove that you were right and to prove that money is not everything , and if it is for some , it is not for others who care much more for love and soul.
    marriage is only one-person decision when you feels that you wants to live with someone in particular and no one else depending on your views ,principles and needs in his partner.
    you are soooooo brave , i support you , inshallah you will be fine sooooooon.

  4. notesalongthepath- Many Thanks to you Really ..
    And thx for the advice,
    Families .. They just don’t see things as we do,
    They have another point of view in everything related to our lives, So having some conflicting with them; doesn’t hurt ..
    But when it comes to the Essential Decisions, The Fateful ones; We shouldn’t follow anything except our Hearts.

  5. Eman Eltawansy- My dear Eman Thank u ..
    Yes I said No; and I do not regret my decision
    I’m so releived and that prove that I’m Right.

  6. tamer- My friend I can’t really find the right words to express my feelings about ur sweet sweet comment, Really Thank u for ur supporting, I do really appreciate our sharing to the same things, the same demands in life,
    I wish for all of us to find our soulmate, our beloved one and taste the wine of happiness.

  7. marwa yassin Says:

    not wat we said..bas yllah..kano mday2enk a7san enk tl3ty elly gwaky..btw “who said that love not to be paid”..u pay ur love..emotions..self steam..ideas..days and be sure u r paying 4 someone who worth it ♥

  8. marwa yassin- If u really in love, believe me Marwa; U will give without waiting anything in return ..
    U would try always to please him and be around him constantly and that also to satisfy ur empty chambers in ur heart.

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