Insanity

September 28, 2009

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Monday, 28 Sep, 2009

4:15 am

I feel so much alone

I want to cry

I feel naked; feel as if monsters kidnapped mostly of my organs,

I barely breathe, barely feel warmness!

I ‘m telling so after I had switched off the light of my room, went to bed at 4:15 am then went back again to switch it on after I had felt that everything around me even time is going to suffocate me slowly!

Enough to shut the lights to see ghosts attacks me,

All wants a piece of my brain, And believe What! I’m an easy catch ..

I felt a funeral in my brain,
        And mourners, to and fro,
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
        That sense was breaking through.

What “Emily Dickinson” said in this poem, I had it all yesterday, that’s exactly what I felt.

And a strange dialog started to form itself as if I were with a shrink!

Started of me saying …

I’m not happy!

 Shrink- What makes us happy?

Me- Satisfying, But I’m satisfied of what I have, So why then I’m not happy! Why my brain can’t stop thinking? When will it shut?

Shrink- Why do you want it to be shut?

Me- For I can sleep, It’s our nature, we sleep to have rest.

Shrink- Yes, correct but we ..

Not you,

You only want the time to pass to start a new dawn, new day, and new sunshine to continue digging in new faces, and following some new traces, for you think you may find the person you’re looking for. To stop the curse of being alone at night.

You’re scratching every portion in your brain, squeezing it to find a comfortable chamber to stay in for trying to find a moment of quiet and sound but you couldn’t…

You hate nights.

Me- Well… I do hate Nights, yes, And A lot of people do so

Shrink- Yes, True.

We all sometimes hate nights

We;

BOTH

Single and Married

 

{Moment of Silent}

 

Shrink- What do you want?

To get married?

Me- Yes

Shrink- Why?

Me- Stability.

Shrink- Stability, hmm…

Marry to someone, kiss on the cheek in the morning, making love at night, having children later, that’s stability!

Me- Yes, that’s stability

Shrink- So what !

You think after Marriage, you will not spend nights drowning in your lonesome!

Me- I don’t know and I don’t want to know.

Shrink- Again you want to pass the time to keep dreaming of a moment you may find it as an adventure to you,

A box you will open and happiness you will find!

Me- Yes, hell yes, what’s wrong with having hope for a better life?

Hope is healthy, makes us continue living and pass the hard times!! What’s wrong with that?

Shrink- See!! You’re now predicting something; this something is delightful and shiny,

You bid your brain to cook an illusion and you name your new plate A hope

And perhaps the taste is good, perhaps it’s not.

You don’t give a damn, you eat, chews, and swallow and you grew old day by day, every time you want a new plate, wants more and more to nourish your self with selfishness,

Stop using the same Equation,

Stop calculating every thing happens in your life!

And don’t you dare to equate the billions thoughts that branched out intensely from your insane head with the wisdom about looking for your treasure,

Because the more you look for it, the more you get lost,

And you would be slowly driven to insanity and twisted mind

And if I came as a wiser once,

I will come as a manipulator later.

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10 Responses to “Insanity”

  1. tamer Says:

    dah ya swsan al7ewar dah hwa al7war alda2em ben almghooool w ally a7na banfkr ano our way to happiness

    sob7an allah
    sa3at we are deficient of something and try by all means to get it , keep thinking abt it , lakn no one knows if we grt it htkoon f3ln source of happiness wla 3la al3ks han2ool it was better for us not to have it.

    lakn 3la ay 7al fe quote i believe in says:
    to regret for something you did is better than to regret for something you didnot.


  2. “feel as if monsters kidnapped mostly of my organs”
    I know these nights.
    Great writing here. This line so well put-
    “You bid your brain to cook an illusion and you name your new plate A hope”–God that’s great.
    Sometimes I think Illusion can also be the Dream people have that what they are/have is not enough, Right Now. Perhaps it’s what leads us to the Illusion of what we think will make us happy.
    BTW–I believe in chasing your dreams. LOL. But this line also reminds to be present–“Stop calculating every thing happens in your life!” Thanks for sharing your lovely as always words–Pearl


  3. – Tamer, Once your heart tells you something, Follow it,I’m sure you will never regreted it later ..


  4. – Pearl, Thanks for the observing and understanding my deep feelings, I’m really content that I did translate what I felt and shared here with you and that’s the reason I write for.

  5. Mossy Says:

    Maybe the “other” that your heart is demanding is actually your Self.

    It seems that we are never satisfied for long by the object of our desire so we must always live inside the flame. Let us at least burn for something worthy.


  6. – Mossy, Yes you are absolutely true, You brought the best conclusion on, Let us at least burn for something Worthy ..


  7. […] the characters, their shapes and placement, knowing they say something lovely and stirring. Insanity is a recent favorite of […]


  8. Hello Dear sleepingspirit-
    I’ve searched in vain for an email adress I thought I’d find on an old comment of yours, but it’s chosen to hide from me.
    Please accept my passing on to you the Bloggers Award 2009. I cannot think of another more deserving.
    If you email me I can send you “the instructions”, or simply visit my site and take what you see from there. You’ll get the drift.
    Much respect–
    Pearl


  9. I’m sorry Cindy for making you cry, As you know life is hard but it could be so much worse if we don’t develop our patience. We just don’t need to take the hard times this seriously.

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