Happiness is a state of mind so I have to have a plan to make life much easier than it is now

As Mr. Burke at “Love happens” Movie said “Life gives you Lemons” and when that happen you have two options:

You can make Lemonade or Sour look

So under the conditions that I face nowadays; the un useful empty unbalanced sucked life I live since this golden circle piece of metal wrapped my finger, I became so much nervous, bored, saddy, and quiet in a very melancholic way.

That’s because I left my job, my one and only way to earn money, dignity and to feel respected and self confident.

I left it to become a house wife cause My fiance wanted that and believe it or not that’s his only wish from life. huh!

In his standards; being a house wife is the perfect way of living for a woman. Well, Now I’m nothing but broke and empty Because I fulfilled his wish .. Screw me!

I feel like I’m losing my spirit, my kefi as the Greek people say.

I feel like I’m walking on the runway and suddenly one of my high heels broke and I have two options:

Stand up quickly and smartly without being noticed by anyone pretending that I’m okay and continue walking with a face head high or ..

Every one would laugh at me and I will become the most stupid dumbest person ever, I will become the clown of the national Circus.

In my inner I don’t want to be a house wife

Some person eating, sleeping, snoring without getting paid.

The visible money, these pieces that make life worth living …
hey STOP! Stop it! I know what you’re thinking ..

Now you’re thinking that I’m selfish and I don’t understand the meaning of taking care of a husband and a baby comes later.

I do appreciate the married life and the whole meaning of giving giving giving thing but I’m talking about my future, my arranged plans, my twenty four years of learning and studying to become a person that matters..

Can’t blow that away

We must take under consideration that the success at work and social life leads to the success at home. It just need a grain of luck and a grain of patience and It would be perfect,

Hmm well not that perfect, I mean smart enough to deal with the both sides of life

Otherwise, Women; we will live in hell !!

About myself; I will burn slowly if I continue moaning between me and myself,
If I continue mumbling the two lines repeatedly and desperatly everyday;

I don’t belong to this life.
I miss participating to the world.

But No… I have a faith that I’m not one of these actors in “LOST” series, I will make a new fully hard plan and bear the consequences, I will do something will change the world for the better.

I will do something makes me feel happy because making Lemonade will always be my choice.

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Insanity

September 28, 2009

2424242

Monday, 28 Sep, 2009

4:15 am

I feel so much alone

I want to cry

I feel naked; feel as if monsters kidnapped mostly of my organs,

I barely breathe, barely feel warmness!

I ‘m telling so after I had switched off the light of my room, went to bed at 4:15 am then went back again to switch it on after I had felt that everything around me even time is going to suffocate me slowly!

Enough to shut the lights to see ghosts attacks me,

All wants a piece of my brain, And believe What! I’m an easy catch ..

I felt a funeral in my brain,
        And mourners, to and fro,
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
        That sense was breaking through.

What “Emily Dickinson” said in this poem, I had it all yesterday, that’s exactly what I felt.

And a strange dialog started to form itself as if I were with a shrink!

Started of me saying …

I’m not happy!

 Shrink- What makes us happy?

Me- Satisfying, But I’m satisfied of what I have, So why then I’m not happy! Why my brain can’t stop thinking? When will it shut?

Shrink- Why do you want it to be shut?

Me- For I can sleep, It’s our nature, we sleep to have rest.

Shrink- Yes, correct but we ..

Not you,

You only want the time to pass to start a new dawn, new day, and new sunshine to continue digging in new faces, and following some new traces, for you think you may find the person you’re looking for. To stop the curse of being alone at night.

You’re scratching every portion in your brain, squeezing it to find a comfortable chamber to stay in for trying to find a moment of quiet and sound but you couldn’t…

You hate nights.

Me- Well… I do hate Nights, yes, And A lot of people do so

Shrink- Yes, True.

We all sometimes hate nights

We;

BOTH

Single and Married

 

{Moment of Silent}

 

Shrink- What do you want?

To get married?

Me- Yes

Shrink- Why?

Me- Stability.

Shrink- Stability, hmm…

Marry to someone, kiss on the cheek in the morning, making love at night, having children later, that’s stability!

Me- Yes, that’s stability

Shrink- So what !

You think after Marriage, you will not spend nights drowning in your lonesome!

Me- I don’t know and I don’t want to know.

Shrink- Again you want to pass the time to keep dreaming of a moment you may find it as an adventure to you,

A box you will open and happiness you will find!

Me- Yes, hell yes, what’s wrong with having hope for a better life?

Hope is healthy, makes us continue living and pass the hard times!! What’s wrong with that?

Shrink- See!! You’re now predicting something; this something is delightful and shiny,

You bid your brain to cook an illusion and you name your new plate A hope

And perhaps the taste is good, perhaps it’s not.

You don’t give a damn, you eat, chews, and swallow and you grew old day by day, every time you want a new plate, wants more and more to nourish your self with selfishness,

Stop using the same Equation,

Stop calculating every thing happens in your life!

And don’t you dare to equate the billions thoughts that branched out intensely from your insane head with the wisdom about looking for your treasure,

Because the more you look for it, the more you get lost,

And you would be slowly driven to insanity and twisted mind

And if I came as a wiser once,

I will come as a manipulator later.

The Distress Call

September 12, 2009

flying

Mayday Mayday Mayday, This is me me me Mayday me, position 000 North 000 East “Middle of No Where”. My Boat is sinking. I require immediate assistance, only me on board. OVER.

Shortly before this…

No

Please No

Don’t leave me

I love you,

I never felt this way to anyone before; I’m totally immersed in love with you

You are the only connection to me to reality; I and my life will shut if you’re gone

Ah!

My breath will go in vain; My heart will be ceased its chiming

What would I do in the absence of my whole existence, in the absence of you?!
With what I will continue living? For what? And why and where??
Without you my one and only, without you my reason for being.

Do not replace the “O” with the “E” and “A”,
Say I’m loving you then slam my ears to not hear you saying I’m leaving you.

For God sake! My life will sink into meaningless and meaningless will pull me down and down into the ocean floor then I will be embraced only by Nothingness.

Hey, Do not linger if you will leave
Stab me with the butcher’s knife and give me the infinite relief
Because being embraced by Nothingness is better than breathing without you here.

I am sorry, Farewell, he said…

And into the ocean he jumped, fighting the waves, the long distance to the shore or to another boat perhaps it could behold him or he could find his salvation on.

And then there is Me!
My heart is burning, my joyful memories in ashes lie,
My boat is sinking and I;
Want nothing but my last resort!

But things are made by the law divine…

And while I was saying Adieu to the world,
I saw a floating light coming towards me, it was iridescent!

It was the most beautiful light my eyes have ever seen…
It hugged my sight and conjured the hope inside me.

Then in a blink, it vanished!

Then I said No

Please No

Don’t leave me

I love me, I never wanted “Me” “My life”  like this way before

I’m totally wants to live again.

My life is the only connection to me to love; I and my heart will blossom again.

Mayday Mayday Mayday, This is me me me Mayday me, position 000 North 000 East “Middle of No Where”. My Boat is sinking. I require immediate assistance, only me on board. OVER.

Mayday Mayday Mayday, I want my life back, OVER.

I don’t want to die, OVER

I don’t want to die, OVER

 
Please, Find Me, OVER.

 

This scene is simply reflects the dangerous situation I was living,
Reflects 24 years in my life!
I lost 24 years in my life pursuing something intangible, digging in the illusionary thinking in a try to get or predict a conclusion in order to determine which road I will take, which road can make my life much easier and happier,
I was living these years in a constant wondering about;

When I’m going to be hit —– by the enchanter’s stick

But instead of this, I have been bashed, smashed into the great wall of Solitude and Nervousness.

But thankfully, I realized that I will not spend the rest of my life searching for the love of my life,

I will survive myself from the illusion of searching because I’m not a rat and life Ain’t a maze, and of course love is the strangest thing it could ever happened to someone.

So from now on

If I had a dream it would be for my success in life

If I wanted a hug, I will hug myself tight

If I needed to talk, I would ink my words and write them down

And If I felt the weakness one day again, I will sail across the sea and move the oars so strongly because that’s the place where I begun while my weakness was trying to end me,

And instead of falling asleep forever, I fell awake.

shsh

Good bye July… August, Please be nice

Saturday,25 July, 2009

It’s been a long month, really…

A long cheerless dolorous melancholic month,

Started of 9 Jul the first anniversary of my father’s passing and ended hopefully today.

Yes it is July, I remember that my father was always telling me that he doesn’t like those two months {July & August) in the year and he always Waited them with anticipation to end.

Telling me; Sawsan those two months are like hell, the town became so crowd and lousy because of people who works in the rich Arab countries, they comes in particular in this two months with their huge GMC cars and Choking us,
When this people gonna leave us alone…

Hmm dad, you are the one who left, left us in this dreary world alone and bare, I hope you found now the better convenient place for you, hope you found heaven and rest forever in peace.

Well, my house has been in a mess in the past few days.
Every one has a problem and something fateful gonna change his life forever,

Starting with my eldest brother who for some stupid reasons will be prevented from entering the last exam in his Egyptian Board after five heavily years of studying and working in surgical operations as he is a doctor, and he is now negotiating with the person in charge, hmm… Actually Begging!!

And my youngest brother who graduated finally from his high school and here it came the time which he should decide which college he wants to join it.

Me…

I’m living inside my head and that’s my problem, I know my self well and I’m living with this without making any move to change my way of thinking but something should happen to me from time to time to remind me that I should think out side the box, I should think and expect the good behavior and the bad one from people               

I trust people; I genuinely trust people, I trust their words and their promises and not just that, I go farther in thinking that leads me to say “I believe in”

Believe in their promises; believe in them while I should believe only in myself cause every time I get hurt

(I will add a word “BADLY” because I’m so sensitive I get hurt easily and badly)

May be I should slow down in drawing castles and making a fake Empire of trust because obviously; not all people like Lord Melbourne, as he was a good friend and a great advisor to queen Victoria.

Hmm, Finally My poor Mom who suffering badly from high pressure, hot atmosphere and the absence of her Mixer!!

And recently just yesterday night she received unexpected call from her fellows telling her that her mother {My Grandma} passed away…

What a chock !

That was “The straw that broke the camel’s back”

Everyone went in a deep silence,

Our brains shut down, our bodies lied idle
and the clock had ceased their chiming and every breath seemed to be wasted…

Death again

Again death !!

At this time I felt Emily Dickinson’s words seemed to be switched on my brain again;

Because I could not stop for death,
He kindly stopped for me,
The carriage held but just ourselves
And immortality.
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

This poem shows that death is not to be feared since it is a natural part of the endless cycle of nature,

And the poet “Emily” was optimistic about her ultimate fate and appeared to see death as a friend…

That was the overall theme of this poem Such as the analysts said and that’s exactly what I feel now…

I realized that death should be acceptable in our lives because the intertwinement of life and death.

And we are meant to lose the people we love.

And about the problems and the successive events we face everyday in our lives; I think we have to be satisfied with everything happens to us because everything happens it happens for a reason and as they say ..

“Every cloud has a silver lining”.

 

 

My Life came to A Halt

June 27, 2009

halt

Hello,

It’s been a while since I last wrote

I was distracted by stupidity, an immense amount of stupidity but I’m fine now, I struggled as much as I could,

I think I’m back to my quiet lonely life now
I’m back to my usual routine – {Back to Monotony}

Thank God that Everything run its course ..

Just Now I can write with a clear mind, About the past few days ..

I was fighting to survive among A chain of Galaxies that kept spinning around me, Narrowing the circle till I was this close from Madness and Losing Control !!

But by the End; I scored A high level on Resistance and A very Low level on curbing my nerves from Exploding

So Here’s the Question ..
Could any body tell me please What on Earth makes a family push so hard on an orphan girl whose father had passed away to accept an old traditional proposal from someone who hardly had an interested subject to talk about ?!!

Well.. This poor orphan is Me and this family is Mine

Shame on them All

I said No, then A hail of bullets started to hit me as if I was a criminal or something;

And every bullet was headed to destroy a special thing in me

Bullet to My Ambitious, Bullet to My Talent, Bullet to My Feelings, My own Dreams ..
A strong Bazooka to my heart where I have the most great ideas for Love, different loveliest ones ..

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

That was my Action,

A very hard long tough “No”,
I screamed as if I was a fat actress singing in the Opera or so;

But the Audience here were the Neighbors .. lol

And all that serial Fighting Remains nothing but Confusion; cause hey ! I don’t give up easily, I’m unruly girl .

So please Disturb Not my Dreams
Disturb Not my Green Flourishing Slopes in my head

But I wonder Why all this ?!

All of this because he is Rich ! and have a political position !! Okay shit;
I don’t care ..

I don’t care for such things, I just need someone who can feel the Romanticism, “A Love Seller”

Yes A Love Seller Who give love without getting paid, someone has different way , different ideas as mine, someone I crush with him at the first sight, Not a Motionless one !!

I may not find him, May be he does not exist,

I may actually end up old toothless women with grey hair and wrinkled skin before I saw him, but it is okay with me

I can wait; I can wait in the hope that I see him one day because it feels so damn Right when you are 100 % sure with this someone who will share you his life and his everything

I know that years must go by in sad uncertainty, First

God knows for How Long !

And How Strangely is this ?! But we can’t accept the wrong lest we become lonely .. Am I Right ?

Well, I want to say that I just needed some Supporting, Encouragement instead of fighting this trivial Battles;
Someone tells me that I did the right choice; and following my heart’s voice is a good thing.

I don’t give a damn if he was Mr. Right { In their Standards ) or
Mr. Wrong or Mr. James Bond even !

Hellooo, This is a whole life, A high price one way ticket ..

Oh God .. They were talking about My Happiness !! ,

My Happiness !!!!

I can’t say YES to everyone at everything as Jim Carrey in “ Yes Men Movie “ , I can’t please everyone ..

And as my friend said to me once “ Trying to please everyone is a well proven formula for Failure and Misery “

So I must feel that he deserve this high price,

I must take into consideration the fact that this ticket with No Return !!

I must be happy when I’m with him, I want to be happy in my married life ..

Hmm, I’m not just scrawling some words all over the paper here, I told you all a true story about fighting to survive and surviving to move on and wait, and waiting for one Reward

Please if anyone already having his Reward please appreciates what you have, Think first before losing it or blowing the things up

It is a Precious precious Gift, A heavenly boon ..

And for whom waiting, I’m still waiting with you people

I have nothing further to do !!

nameless

 The Guy I Don’t Even Know his Name

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The day started with a song “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow” to “Shirelles“ cause I assigned it to be the Alarm on my cell phone to wake me everyday at 7:45 Am,

“Shirelles” were an American girl group in the early 1960’s which I adore the 60’s songs,
They are absolutely fascinating, Who doesn’t love oldies anyway ?!!

After 15 minutes of rolling in my bed as usual, I finally got up…

Went to the bathroom, did the usual stuff I do every Morning then dressed quickly…

But not for going work,

Today I took it off, I had something different to do; I had to renew my driving license ..

So I just took a sip of my tea and quickly ran down the stairs to catch up the appointment ..

I drove my car almost for 5 minutes as I live in a small town, then in a quick I arrived at the place I want ;

But I took 10 minutes to find a spot to park my car and finally I found one, Thanks God for that ,

While I was stepping out of my car, A guy shouted on me telling ..
“This is my spot”, After a second or so, I Realized that
he is an Apricot seller !

I did nothing but showing a big wide smile on my face telling him
“I won’t be Late” and left him mumbling words only God knows what he said .. lol,

Hmm,

To renew a driving License in my country, you have to do a series of hard steps ;

The first one is to go to the court building to know how many traffic violations you did and pay for them,

And that what I was doing today,

After I had left the Apricot seller I headed to the court building, took the elevator seven Floors above the ground then walked a long long hall then I found myself alone with from 20 to 25 guys waiting their turns in front of a tiny window and they weren’t in Line,
It was just a mess…

I waited and waited till the guy behind the tiny window
“It called Mr. George by the way” noticed me and realized that I was struggling to survive among these sweaty old disgusting men,

He asked for my name, took my license and told me that I will wait the prosecutor to decrease the money that I will pay, so again I waited…

While I was waiting among this chaos, suddenly the crowd started to shrink to allow someone to pass,

But who the hell is he to make them do such shrinking that quickly ?!!

Well I didn’t care, I just enjoyed these seconds and tried to breathe some fresh air but the sudden silence made me carious and pushed me to raise my head up a little because at this time I was picking up my purse because it had fallen,

I rose up my head slowly to find myself standing in front of two splendid outstanding handsome guys !

I froze for a while, gazing on them and saying to myself  ..
{ Am I in heaven } !!

It was so hilarious but hey…

Don’t think me that I’m over reacting No, please No…
It was just like finding two oases in the desert… lol

After a while I understood that one of them is  ..!! Guess who ??

The prosecutor and the other is his friend then the prosecutor asked Mr. George with a strong tough layer of his voice to finish all the necessary papers to his friend immediately…

Poor me…
I wished to be his friend too at that moment,

Then in a glance his friend stood in front of me and I was standing in front of him, only inches between us;
He looked at me by wondaring eyes so did I, Then I don’t know why it turned to a stare !

The chemistry did its Interactions !!
I felt like Spring at that moment ..
Could this be true ? Could spring skip summer, autumn and winter and come again to flourish the place suddenly just like that ?!!

Hmm .. I have no idea !!

I swear I heard “James Blunt” singing his song “You’re Beautiful”
And in particular,
This part…

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

Then I woke up to Reality again and went to pay the money I have to pay to get the last paper and ..

Surprise ! Surprise ! He came after me and stayed till I finished,

We even shared a joke and I think he laughed…

Then I left the room and waited in the hall for someone to bring me back my license and guess what?? He left the room and stood in the hall too, laying his perfect body on the wall,

Then I heard the guy calling my name , gave me my License and finally it was time to leave,

I did nothing but finding a way to pass among the crowd leaving that scene behind even without a peek to say good bye with the eyes, hoping he will follow me as we see in the Romantic Movies,

I walked the long hall slowly and I didn’t take the elevator, again I was hoping to hear this word “Wait”…

But I realized that I’m not in A Movie and these things never happened in the Real Life and I can’t undo all the time I’ve wasted in leaving to get back to him,
I left ..
And he headed on the other direction and each one went to his separate Life.

Do you remember this Movie { The curious case of Benjamin Button } when Daisy asked Benjamin about what he was thinking and he said ..
I was thinking how nothing Lasts ..
Then she looked into his eyes and said {Some things Last)
Yes that’s true Some things Last,
Moments like these last forever ..

Hmm ..
By the way when I went to my car I found the guy “ The Apricot seller “ still mumbling words !!

Well I drove my car and left as the Mission was accomplished .

And that what happened today and this is the story about the guy I don’t even know his name.

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The 7 things I like about you

1- Your Artistic view, The way you see things and appreciate them so well and how much it is amazing when you makes us see the beauty of this Universe thru your adoring eyes.

2- The Warmth in your voice and how this bring tears to my eyes and every time you start to sing I breathe out , I sigh , A sigh of relief  ..
I feel that your lilting voice is touching gently every fiber in me,

As every tone melts my soul slowly then exploding a combination of the most romantic emotions I have ever had or felt before.

3-  The way you talk and the way you listen,
It is  pretty good to find someone care, someone show you the light when darkness is all around and falls deeper and deeper,
Where in this time could we find such a person ?

Hmm, well ..
I found you.

4- The way you show how much you are so self-confident and the impression you always leave is that you are capable to do everything in this world just because you have ..

– A new different idea,
– Two hands wants to build the structure of a golden frame,
– And a Dreamy heart filling this precious frame with everything you want it to be happen.

5-  Your New Things ..

Every day you show up with a new conversation, a new story, new joke, a whole new person,

I never felt that I’m boring however you every day finds out something special in me,

You opened my eyes for things I never known in my personality before.
I remember someday I was feeling frustrated,
I was confused, so lost and you didn’t ask why…!!

People ask all the time
How are you?
Are you okay?
Is it something wrong?

And the usual answer the automatic one comes at once and we say,

I
am
Fine

I am Fine

This repeatable uncomfortable answer ..

Remember ..

“Elizabethtown”
The Movie ..
“Drew Baylor” { Orlando Bloom } kept saying
I’m Fine  .. I’m Fine .. I’m Fine  although he was in the Middle of his grief on his father’s Death.

So  “I’m Fine “ , In fact it ain’t an answer !

But you didn’t
You didn’t ask me that day
You acted another different situation

You just opened a window to my imaginary world,
You just set a bird free.

6-   hmm, here it comes { The nicest thing } ..

Has anyone told you before that you say “ Okay ” in the most magnificent way I have ever heard ..

I love it
I love it
I love it

7- This one should be to your adorable smile and to your outstanding laugh,
An hundred years should go to praise this smile,
Two hundred to adore each cheek,
But thirty thousands to satisfy my eyes from looking at your delighted face.

And this was the last one but of course not least ..

So, to be continued  ..
Cause I’m pretty sure that there are more beautiful hidden things,
I don’t know about them yet.

I was trying to sleep but i guess .. No use

I just rollin’ from side to side on my bed and my thoughts are rollin’ with me,

I was thinking of the two Articles that I wrote it this month;

One of them was about Being wait for what we wish to have and what we pursue to be, and the other for Being free from the prison we locked ourselves in … About Breaking the walls !!!

huh .. Breaking the walls !

Please for God sake give me a hammer immediately to start reconstruction my life cause everything is a fucked up now

I have been living in a mess since he said ” I tried to love you but sorry, I couldn’t ”

Well.. I’m not gonna bore you , i will not tell the story of my life

But the time had been passed and the whole crisis seemed to be usual to me because we turned it to a friend ship for some conscientious reasons and for something inside me which i did agree based on a foolish feeling I have it till now which is ” Mr. Fuckin’ Hope ”

It is just you never think the last time is the last time , you think there will be more

You always say no … No .. It will not end , He will comeback , Just he need time and I will  wait, I will give him the space he Needs

then you realize that you will spend your whole life waiting !

Yea, till your hair become gray and you start complaining from a brittle bones !!

hmm disappointing and so ironic .. I know

And of course in the friend ship’s world you are allowed to say things as ” Really I like you baby ”  which nothing .. Nothing in this world makes me so close to madness than this fragment

I wish i can destroy this word from the dictionary from the whole Languages .

Here again I was having the hope for he could replace it with another word

FOOL, completely I was a fool

In fact , still a fool

I know this is all wrong but there is a true part in this issue “In this wrong thing ”  that i never felt this hasty incredible unbelievable overwhelming beating in my heart before .. till i met him

huh i’m just a dork cause i’m alone

Still living alone,  Isolated from the mutual love feelings and i accepted that and you are gonna call me now.. she is an idiot

But call me any names that’s what i feel, that’s my heart and that’s him who living in a world where everything is okay .. everything is fine

It is no problems at all , No love feelings , No heart emotions and of course no crazy things and for sure no surprises

Yup, He is so quiet .. Quiet to no limits

 

Well .. I’m in an illusion just if i got what is happening, Just if i got what is there beyond his reactions if he gave me a reaction in fact

Cause he sounds crush with the open endings when the curtain been down and you are sitting their not understanding a word from the whole play and that actually me who sat there understanding Non a word

Non an action

Non a touch

Non a call

Non a simple conversation

Non a thing ..

Really I’m sorry, I can’t get you .. I can’t seem to understand you at All .

 

Why ” Living alone ” ?

Why do people do this to themselves ?

They must be afraid of something

Afraid of what ?!

Well, Mostly afraid of love, afraid of feeling pain

The sort of pain which is from our false beliefs

The false ground of suffering that our minds created it which it blocks the experience of our true pain

The other sort of pain which is really not painful at all , just Time and Moving on could take care of healing and recovering

So people who doesn’t know the different between the true one and the fake one, who create Walls of protection around their hearts

Prevent them from falling in love, from being in pain

But those Walls at times cause pain than they prevent

So, Why do we prevent our hearts from breathing freely at times they wants wings to fly ?

Why do we put chains to hide behind them and numb our bodies at times they are aching ?

Saying at least when we are alone there is no one to bring pain,

Do you think you will not feel it ?

Pain is in Everywhere

It is real

Pain does exist if you accept that or not

There is always something hurts and Aches

But the real pain can be Overcome

It is only the imaginary ones that are Unconquerable

So you can’t avoid pain by choosing not to be in love

Where is the question that tells us ” The Glass is half filled or half empty ” and the thought that leads to ” It is just the way we look at ”   ??!!

If you had chosen to look at the half empty, your wishes wouldn’t ever been realities

You will find your days go by and you will stay the same .. living in the past with your sorrow, with your pitiful memories and that ain’t a life 

Ignore hearing the regular sound of something dying deep inside you

It is so simple if you just decide to change your point of view

Who need that to be happen ?

Where is the half filled ?

Why didn’t we look at ?

Obviously we just die once in a life, Why did you choose to die everyday ?

Well, I just wanted to say

I do agree that love is all about ups and down, It keeps us searching, always looking for the missing piece

Sometimes you find it, Sometimes you don’t

Sometimes you feel like you’r in Heaven

Sometimes you live with broken bones from chosen to drop off the cliff

So love is just Alert and Peaceful at the same time

Just Everyday we should walk

Where ever it leads, Where ever it goes

Live your life, Feel the Love with all its sour .. with all its joy

Cause Life is Fleeting and Time is a precious Gift .

We have been waiting for many things in our life

Some wait for nights to come with its delightful things,

Some wish that they could stop the time after the day light had gone and never wanted the nights to be a part from their life cause it remined them how much lonilness they feels

And some spirits waiting for someone who will move away the pall and release them from the gloomy years they had lived

Others have no reason to live, Nothing seems worthy from their point

They are waiting and feeling like they are dying today

 

And some of us looking at the sky and waiting for stars to shine so they can count it to reach to some strang love sum …

well i don’t know

That section thinks that the sky is always furnished with the stars

They can find it even it doesn’t exist

Hmm Anyway , What a pleasant scene,

The other section don’t think the sky is even blue,

Everytime they look above they saw gray clouds with heavy drops of rain which it pouring into them like their own troubles,

So they waited and waited for the grace to come and take their fears away,

And they looking at the sky ,just for asking mercy,

So for sure they don’t care if there is stars in the sky or not..

Of course it doesn’t matter.

 

Some have pretty faces and pretty much of numbers loves them,

Do you think ,they are satiesfied?

I don’t think so,

It would split their hearts and drown them in an endless fountain of infinte pain

They waited too..

For Decent one for their solemn soul

hmm , well.. they are looking for a needle in a haystack..

Because the last men died in the 6 Oct. war like my friend is always say to me .. lol

It ‘s a joke -Men- “No Offense”

Others waiting for just to be notice or feeling that anyone care a little bit a bout them

 

The thing is ,

People nowadays, forget about personality

About the most important thing in human beings

Cause we always measure the kinds of things we are interested in by unmeaning and an aimlessly way,

We just say , yeah he is cool  … yeah she is pretty

And forget about things inside.

Well, this is really puzzls me cause we certainly know that things outside are changeable, it is just a matter of time,

So i have to say that we gotta be patient about things we want,things we pursue and things we planned and did not be like the way we want it to be .

Obviously it is our nature to have an insatiable appetite for the Opposite,

For things we don’t have .. Things arn’t in Us …

It is okay , No problem , Keep having the hope that we will find what we are looking for and what we are waiting.

Go On,

May someday we will find it in the end,

And when we got it, It would be a pleasure that all the time we spent in waiting,

It didn’t go for Wrong .